The Gentle Parenting Institute

One of the most popular quotes from Untamed is, Being human is not about feeling happy. It’s about feeling everything. If it’s true for us, it’s true for our... babies, too. So maybe we stop trying to make our kids happy- and instead we just let them be everything. So they learn that being everything is okay. Perfect, even. It’s not our job to make them happy. Here’s to letting our kids BE. Here’s to trying easier. Love you. #GetUntamed Thank you for posting this Susan Stiffelman - it helped me so much today. And thank you Sterna Suissa for creating this message.

One of the more prevailing views out there is that if you don’t sleep train your child, they will lack certain emotion regulation skills. This just isn't true.... some little tidbits from research: Children learn emotion regulation skills (aka self-soothing) from it first being modeled by adults and then being able to call upon adults when they require assistance. Prior to a year, the use of these skills outside of searching for an adult’s help is truly minimal and even by toddler years it’s still a rarity. The more distressed we are, the less able we are to draw upon the few emotion regulation skills we have, which means a distressed infant or toddler simply can’t call upon these skills and the cessation of crying likely has nothing to do with self-soothing, but simply saving energy. Areas of the brain most associated with impacts of early stress are also those associated with social and emotional processing. Thus if we accept that sleep training is at all stressful (which given the evidence above, we should), then the risks are going to be greatest on the development of emotion regulation and they will be negative. At no point does leaving a child to cry facilitate emotion regulation. Some Relevant Citations: 1. Rothbart MK, Ziaie H, & O’Boyle CG. Self-regulation and emotion in infancy. In N. Eisenberg & R.A. Fabes (Eds.) Emotion and its regulation in early development: New directions for child development, No. 55: The Jossey-Bass education series (1992) (pp. 7-23). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers. 2. Stifler CA, Braungart JM. The regulation of negative reactivity: Function and development. Developmental Psychology 1995; 38: 448-55. 3. Kopp C. Regulation of distress and negative emotions: a developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology 1989; 25: 343-54. 4. Hanson JL, Nacewicz BM, Sutterer MJ, Cayo AA, Schaefer SM, et al. Behavior problems after early life stress: contributions of the hippocampus and amygdala. Biological Psychiatry 2014; DOI: 10.1016/j.biopsych.2014.04.020 #evolutionaryparenting #selfsoothing #emotionregulation #sleeptraining #sleeptrainingsucks #development #nighttimeparenting #emotions #distress #responsiveparenting

An important part of Inner Child healing & Re-Parenting ourselves is realizing we are not the vulnerable & helpless child we were back then. As an adult we can... now learn how to use our autonomy to ensure our needs are met. How well we can (or can’t) soothe ourselves when triggered is largely down to the quality of soothing we experienced from others while growing up. Self-regulating your emotions is a learned skill. If you struggle you might just be because you haven’t had the ingredients to learn it...yet. It can be learnt at any time in life. Forever learning how to soothe myself enough to speak up & how to soothe myself enough to quieten down. If you struggle to manage certain emotions consider how this emotion was responded to when you were a child? Did you get what you needed? What did you need? Can you do it for yourself now? A big part of parenting is tolerating and sitting with a child when they’re having big, overwhelming feelings. If you didn’t get this.... A big part of re-parenting yourself is tolerating and staying with yourself while you’re having big, overwhelming feelings. Coregulation is the dance between two nervous systems whereby one calms the other. Examples of Coregulation Gentle eye contact Feeling someone’s heart beat Hearing a calming voice Getting on the same level Meeting someone in their world Preparing someone for the next experience Sitting in supportive silence Doing tasks alongside each other Repeating back what someone’s sharing Wanting to understand and validate A collection of my chosen @chanellesowden quotes for you. with love, Lelia www.leliaschott.com #reparenting, #coregulation, #emotionalregulation,#consciouslove

Sometimes, we're so worried about our kids understanding that there are consequences for their behavior that we forget that there are also consequences for OUR ...behavior. I'm co-hosting the Pandemic Parenting Event to help you learn less risky behaviors and bring you alternatives to old-school parenting. Sign Up https://event.stopspanking.org/a/46212/ohxcR2mz We want to help you raise kids who care! And while you’re learning what your kids need, we’ll also help you better understand your own needs.

Happy Sunday! What a beautiful day to read some Mary Oliver.

Talking to kids will always be our first priority. As hate crimes against the Asian community have significantly increased within the past year, today we’re lau...nching a FREE eBook to help explain the roots of racism toward the AAPI community, and how to support our Asian American family, friends, and neighbors. #AKidsBookAboutAntiAsianHate by Kim Pham delves into what it means to be Asian American, the joy and diversity of the community, and the discrimination they face. It’s never too late to use your voice to stand up against anti-Asian hate. Kids should feel empowered to speak up and use their voice against racism and hate, because their voices matter! Being able to talk about it and bring awareness to it is the first step toward ending Anti-Asian hate. -Kim Pham DOWNLOAD #AKidsBookAboutAntiAsianHate for free: akidsbookabout.com/pages/anti-asian-hate RESEARCH anti-Asian hate resources: anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co REPORT anti-Asian hate: stopaapihate.com DONATE to fight anti-Asian hate: gofundme.com/aapi