Kristine Augustyniak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist

In the 14 years since entering the grief club (I guess it’s a club, I’m not sure what else to call it, but I’m open to suggestions!), I’ve learned that grief ne...ver goes away, not completely anyway. It is my experience that once the threshold is crossed, it’s something that stays with you forever. It’s almost as if you become a time traveler or that you straddle two realities or two worlds; the one before and the one after, and you’ll tick tock between the two, probably forever. Memories will flash into your mind unexpectedly that will completely take you out. You’ll feel overwhelmed with what was, and what is no longer. Sometimes your brain won’t be able to comprehend it all. You’ll come across things that can remind you of the person that only you notice, and you’ll really wish that you could tell that person all about it, but you can’t. It’s a perpetual itch that you can never really scratch. Grief is the the most humanizing process, it reminds you that we can lose, but that we also can heal. It’s unifying in that, at one point or another in this life we will become members of this club, and that’s weirdly comforting, isn’t it? It’s personal in that we will all maneuver through it differently, and we should always allow ourselves to create our own relationship with it. We all have to work through the trauma and feelings that come with it, and it’s necessary to allow yourself the time and the space to do so. The magic or the key to cultivating a healthy relationship with grief is remembering that you are responsible for the relationship you have with it, and honing the awareness to care for yourself and that relationship. Michelle Maros

I went to therapy for the first time when I was 28 years old. On and off I've spent decades of my life talking to a therapist. We think we're going to therapy t...o be fixed, but actually I discovered I went to therapy to be heard. For the first time in my life I could speak out loud all the pain that I kept locked up inside of me. We're not broken, we have suffering living inside of our precious being that must come out. It's like having a splinter in the bottom of our foot for decades, that causes us pain every time we walk on it, and once it's out we feel relief and learn to walk again without the pain. None of us are broken. We may just need access to therapy. We can begin the healing process by talking with a trusted friend or therapist who will not invade or abandon us. You are worthy and whole. I love you.

The need to control. It's a behavior I see a lot of women struggle with. Control masks the fear of experiencing painful emotions. Perfectionism and the fear o...f failure. Low or damaged self esteem. Lack of trust. Failed or failing relationships. Whatever the reason is, it's important to stop because when we control, we harm others, and we are masking something deeper about ourselves that we might be pretending not to know. Examples of control of others: Micromanaging Being over-protective Bullying/ taunting. Emotionally abusing- using tactics of shame or guilt. Example of controlling self/ environment : Obsessive behaviors. Disordered eating. Self-harm Over-exercising Compulsive cleaning, arranging. If you see yourself in any of these, first, offer yourself some compassion. Next- reveal the fear. Finally - talk to someone about it, reach out, or let go. Allow is the opposite of control. Allow whatever it is you've been controlling, unless it's someone who hurts you, in which case, leave or get help.