Myths of Creation

I spend a large amount of time trying to find a zoomed out perspective ~ to understand how things came to be the way they are. If you know me, you know that I feel the systems that we consider real and authoritative to make very little sense - from education to entertainment or the medical industrial model. What I find interesting - is asking different questions. ... I also find it really useful to ask people what the definition of something is- because - it turns out- we have wildly different ideas sometimes. And because I communicate to understand and also to try to translate how I see the world- I find this step (often skipped) brings people into a space of listening and noticing what we assume - particularly when what we talk about is emotionally charged. On 5/12 I will be hosting our May gossamer gathering where we will explore what norms are, how they can change or be changed and the social science behind it. Hope to see u there. Info in the bio! (Last slide: Oxford English language dictionary online, that first definition what expected ) that second definition )

There is learning from meditation and workshops and books and I love this form of learning so much. As you come to remove the overlays of hierarchy and disempowerment, there is richness in being the one compiling your educational materials based on resonance rather than who appears to be the gate keeper to wisdom. The other kind of learning, which is every step of life, is not so much an oasis for me, but instead a landscape of challenges, miracles, misunderstandings, feeling...s, pragmatisms, learnings and beauty and joy beyond my wildest imagination. Like when I am observing how I want to take control of my little Niece’s play when i am nannying because I want to teach her I wonder if instead once in a while it’s time for her to teach me what’s less demonstrable, and more innate. She can count to 5 and sometimes 10 with help but actually she prefers 1, 3 and 8 in a row. She can put her pants on but sometimes she wants to stick her arms through her bloomers. She knows exactly how to make us laugh but also has no problem showing us when she is not in the mood. She looked at me the other day and gave me a hug and said home... miss love happy. She was at her grandmas all week so maybe someone taught her that home was where she sees her mom and dad and me... or maybe she is teaching me a language about how we are one another’s home in so many ways. Children, these children, the children we raise and caretake, the children we were and are, the children our parents and ancestors were- they never become less magical, they sometimes just forget that growing means more than learning the ropes of what Society defines as cleverness. sometimes growing is just about being in the home of yourself, wherever that may be.

@esindivisible hosted this debate with @peterfornewyork2020 @voteashcraft @surajpatelnyc @carolynbmaloney had Covid symptoms but did not attend. Full event in my bio link via @gotham._.gazette

Lately I have been noticing where I am afraid to want more. I was born so hopeful, optimistic, truly in believe that our world is whatever we want it to be. I wanted to clean up the waters and learn about animals and draw trees and have the kind of fun I imagined cyndi Lauper had adorned in bangles and tutus. I trusted everyone and everything.... I remember I wanted to be the president because I thought it was a job that required caring for others and being highly intelligent. Now all this time later, this quarantine has given me space to feel the feelings I have rushed passed so often, when one thing ends and another begins. I am not the type of person who wants every experience to last forever. I also notice that when something doesn’t feel like it’s working out I stay as long as I can to try and fix it so when I walk away I can feel really good I did everything I could to give it life. But usually at that point I am so exhausted, I just want to move on and start something new. Even those things we lose that we know were holding us back or not growing with us or were straight up not good for us- even those are losses and require grief. So I’ve been grieving. I grieved for my shop. I grieved for a teenage me who loved to drive around. My parents leaving the Philippines for our family. My grandmothers. My grandfathers. My jobs at startups that were other people’s dreams. My first kitten who died at nine months. My dogs who were given away when I was a child. My old romantic relationships that I never wanted to look back on. Mostly I grieved for each beginning I had the courage to begin- and each time a dream died. The loss of what I envisioned, the fantasies that drove me to work so hard and show up so much. I grieve because we are a culture in deep need of acknowledging feelings that aren’t accounted for in our national GDP. We are a culture that doesn’t welcome the wailing and ceremony that life requires - because life is cyclical. It is ending and beginnings. When we only begin and never face what has ended we become stagnant with energetic cobwebs and uncried tears. I listened to some free Tom Kenyon sound healings and I bawled.

@maritess0516 You are the definition of love. If you even experienced what it is to be cared for and loved by you by 5%, you would be profoundly moved. You taught me so much about innocence and courage and strength. Also about loving unconditionally even without always understanding. We are so different! But I know deep deep in my heart that I chose you as a mother before I was born. I know that you embody what it is to do everything with pride, love and attention. I know tha...t you are always considering the well-being of others. That you love to laugh and love to be with the flowers and the plants. It is never lost on me how much you have done for me. I only wish for you that you could experience the generosity, patience and care you give to everyone around you for yourself. You are someone who gives without ever asking for anything in return, but isn’t afraid to say what you think. You have been facing your fears since you were such a small kid. There is so much you do for people that they don’t even know about or realize and I just want to say I always see you, I always notice that even for the people who don’t realize you’re advocating for them, you’re always doing your best with humility and grace beyond words. Your faith in something bigger than you and your ability to be grateful and accountable for everything in your life astounds me. I hope those you have given your love to have allowed it to make them more loving. You have given everything to everyone you love and I hope you can give to yourself that same way. Not just today but every day. I love you so much. It makes me cry how much. I love you mom and all the moms. I love you all.

Lunch poems. My niece went down for a nap so here we are. Snake inspiration